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When did I stop

Today I found an old photograph of me, as usual, looking up at the sky. There was so much wonder in watching the seagulls soar higher and higher until they were specs in the glassy blue of a summer afternoon. As a child I was always looking up, knowing that something better was around the bend; and I am sure that many adults will remember feeling the same way as a child, but when did that stop? Today I had a disappointment that felt like a kick in the chest and I found myself saying, “that’s because it can’t happen, this is one thing God will never provide.” As I walked through the day my head was low and I was looking at the ground, filled with my discouraging, self badgering thoughts, and then I found that photograph. There I was staring at the sky with my eyes fixed on possibilities. When did I stop doing that? Why was one small thing making me feel like God had packed up and left? God hadn’t changed from yesterday when I was running around the yard laughing with my dog. I had. This simple disappointment had made me doubt God, it had made me watch the ground instead of the sky. God is always there for us no matter how we feel. He may not have provided for us what we desired today, but He will someday. My grandfather always says, “take sustenance from the hope of things yet to come.” I don’t know if that’s an original statement, but it’s one I hold dear and sometimes have a very hard time applying to my life. But it’s true, and feeling down and worrying isn’t going to change the outcome of what has or has not happened, it just makes us take our eyes off of God. He is the only one who can provide and satisfy. So when we desire or need we must fix to God and not be shaken off by discouraging thoughts. We need to be happy in who God is and in what He will do. Someday.

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